I didn’t even realize I was desperately trying to maintain control over a situation until I entered a period of struggle.
I had believed and trusted God and had taken a huge step of faith a few months earlier. And now I suddenly found myself in a difficult situation, precisely at the point where I had just taken my step of faith and where my trust in God was still somewhat shaky and in a learning process: Providence!
Angry and frustrated, I had locked myself in my bedroom. What was I supposed to do with this? How was I ever going to get out? I felt cornered, abandoned by God, and was disappointed to have ended up in this situation at all. Until my dear friend, as she often did, spoke to me lovingly, yet somewhat sternly, LOL.
She helped me realize that I had taken a giant step of faith a few months earlier. “Now you have one setback, and you’re going to sit in a corner and cry? Like a little girl who doesn’t get her way? That says more about you than it does about God! So, what are you going to do?” was her question to me… “Are you going to stay in that corner, angry and disappointed with everything and everyone, including God? And are you going to give all the glory to the enemy because of this? Or are you going to stand up and praise God, thank Him for who He is in your life!”
Wow…that’s a big “Ouch” right there, LOL, but thank God I can handle these words well and always see it as constructive criticism, LOL. It also immediately reminded me of a text in Hebrews…
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. – Hebrews 12: 7-12
Crossroads
So now it was time to get to the point; I was at a crossroads. 
Do I throw in the towel? Sort of “this far and no further”? Am I going to resolve the situation through my own efforts and understanding, and then seek a lasting solution to ensure I don’t end up in a similar situation again? Or would I use these dire circumstances as a lesson to let Him shape and mold my patience and trust in God?
“Am I REALLY going to trust God in this?” I asked myself, my knees shaking. Man, this felt like an impossible task.
It made me wonder: why is it so natural for us to trust God in some areas, yet so difficult in others, sometimes a process that takes years, with many ups and downs? We trust God with our salvation; we trust that when we give our hearts to Jesus, confess with our mouths, and believe in our hearts that He is Lord, we are saved (Romans 10:9-10). But as soon as we have to trust God with our finances, our health, our plans and dreams for our future, or even our children, for example, it suddenly seems like a completely different story.
Roots of fear, doubt, or loss of control can sometimes be quite deep; if God were to pull them out all at once, He would damage more than He would build.
I wonder if we could handle it.
God knows this; He knows what we can handle.
“for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.” - Proverbs 24:16
Walk on water
Sometimes we get to learn in the middle of the process. We learn through trial and error, and praise God for His grace! There is enough grace to make mistakes, start over, or recover (Proverbs 24:16).
The process in which we, together with Him, tackle layer by layer to reach the root, learning, being molded, and being shaped, can be a challenging journey for us, from revelation to revelation, and in each new revelation lies a new lesson, a new open door, or a new blessing. But just as I experienced at the crossroads of my journey, you eventually realize: what are you going to do?
Will you continue in the process? Will you allow yourself to be molded and shaped further? Will you take the next step on the path to the unknown? Do you dare to truly trust Him, even though you have absolutely no idea how to do it or how the problem will ever be solved, without taking the reins yourself?
Or does your journey end here, perhaps for now or perhaps forever?
This too is a choice, and God will accept this choice, and He will still love you deeply, because that will never change.
But if, like Peter, you DO want to step out of that boat (Matthew 14:28-29), walk on water, see supernatural things
happen in your life, reach the next level in your faith, and embark on an adventure with God, then it truly begins with your first step of faith.
A step out of the boat and onto that water.
I want to encourage you: are you currently at that crossroads where one path is the path of comfort and the other the path of the unknown, stepping out of your comfort zone and learning to trust God even more?
Then choose the path of the unknown. In this way, you will grow even more in your relationship with God, He can entrust you even more, you will discover even more of His promises and blessings, and even more of His depth, infinite goodness, and faithfulness.
And behind this step in faith, in obedience, lies a new blessing and a new adventure with Jesus!
