Being single; it might not really be something you would choose or want at first.
We are all searching for love, acceptance, connection and security. When you don’t know Jesus, you will search for all kinds of things that can never fully fulfill you. When my relationship ended last year, I also ended up in a time of being single. That was something completely new to me; since my teenage years, I had had relationships -almost continuously-. All based on a worldly perspective because I didn’t know Jesus until about four years ago.
You are looking for the “ideal” partner. Someone who suits you, complements you and makes your life complete. It took me about forty-four years to realize that no human being can fulfill or complete you, that is something only Jesus can do.
By nature, we were created by God to be in relationship with Him. We can see this right away in Genesis 1 and 2. God made man, Adam, and had a relationship with him right away. It is also clear that God visited Adam in the Garden of Eden. For example, God brought all the animals to Adam to see what names he would give them.
We can also read, God walked around in the Garden in person, and Adam and Eve recognized the sound of God coming, which indicates this happened more often. All in all, it is clear that God sought contact with Adam and Eve. God did not just walk around in the Garden, He came there to meet Adam and Eve.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”- John 3:16
Because of the fall, the “line” between God and us was broken.
However, Jesus came to restore that (John 3:16), but it is our own responsibility to let Him in (Revelation 3:20).
When we let Him into our hearts and lives, He will fill all those voids, making you feel whole and complete.“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” – Revelation 3:20
Waiting season
After the relationship ended last year, I truly was alone for the first time.
Although I had felt incredibly lonely at many moments in every relationship I had had in the past, I had never been “really” alone.
This time was different. Of course I realized all too well I was not really “alone-alone” because I have Jesus, but to suddenly being alone in the natural world; I found that a whole other story. I really had to get used to the idea there was no “safety net” to fall back on, and because of this, I was somewhat “forced” to cling to Jesus alone, which ultimately was the best thing that had happened to me in years!
Around me, reactions like “so from now on, we’re going to see you in the pub again” followed my new status of being single. That’s the worldly way of thinking: you’re single, so you’re going to go out again – to the pub, throwing yourself into the party 
scene, looking for a nice partner, meeting people and that kind of craziness. But that was something I didn’t aspire to at all!
scene, looking for a nice partner, meeting people and that kind of craziness. But that was something I didn’t aspire to at all!I discovered I was in a waiting season. But what on earth do you do in a waiting season, and what does it even mean? I had to discover that for myself, with God. I discovered it is the most valuable time imaginable! It is a time when you can put all your time and energy into healing old wounds and discovering who you are in Him.
A time when you can grow in your relationship with God before He can bring you into a new season.
Backpack of misery
Being single may seem overwhelming and not necessarily a situation you want to be in, but it can still bring you so much and teach you so much about yourself and God, knowledge you can fall back on for the rest of your life.
We should not see this period as a curse, but rather as a blessing, no matter how long it lasts. It’s how I discovered there were apparently still old wounds from previous relationships which had been in the past for years and years.
We often go from one relationship to another, or we think we have healed enough and are therefore ready for a new relationship. However, the Bible teaches us not to lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; “ - Proverbs 3:5
We need God to point out old pains or unprocessed traumas. Sometimes things can be so deep, we don’t even realize we are walking around with these wounds. They have become second nature to you. You then start a new relationship when you are not fully healed and restored, and take all the brokenness 
with you into your new relationship, which doesn’t do anyone any good.
Certainly not when your partner brings in a simular backpack with unprocessed pains. Traumas and misery shape you, only God can bring you to the person He intended you to be before the foundation of the earth.
From oats to groats
God is the only One who knows us from “oats to groats,” as a Dutch proverb says when you know someone very well. He not only knows our character, He also knows all our pains, pains that lie just on the surface, perhaps clearly present as deeply hidden pains. So deep that you would have to dig yourself to be able to recognize them, but on which a great deal of your actions and behavior are based.
God knows our sitting down and our rising up (Psalm 139:2). He knows our past, our present, and our future. Therefore, He knows exactly what we need and the right timing for it. He is the only One who can restore us completely and heals our broken hearts (Psalm 147:4).
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
It is important to embrace being single, however difficult it may be at times, and to take time with God. During my period of being single, there were many moments when I really cried to God “Lord, I don’t want to complain, but I really don’t like it”. For years, I had been alone in my faith. I visited churches, conferences, meetings, studies and many other beautiful things alone, even though I was in a relationship at the time, I still had to do these things alone, without a partner.
Although I am independent enough to do all that on my own, from time to time I was fed up with it, and I expressed this to God so that He could fill me with His peace again, and I could pull myself together again to just keep going. Keep growing, keep allowing Him to restore me, keep developing myself in all kinds of areas, and keep immersing myself in the Word.
I want to encourage you to embrace the times of being alone. Even if it feels like an eternity. Trust that your Heavenly Father is outside our time, and His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8). He has your best interests at heart (Jeremiah 29:11) and will bring you the right person in His perfect timing. Wait on Him (Psalm 37:7).
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;" - Psalm 37:7
These times of being single can be some of the most life changing if you take the time to grow in your relationship with Jesus and learn to lean only on Him. He is right there with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Allow God what only He can do. Only He can restore and impart things you do not even know you need.
Take this season to dive deeper in to His love.
