For the past seven and a half years as a single mother, I have mostly been “Martha.”
Working, housekeeping, and my relationship with God and my children, I did it all by myself. Although I didn’t shy away from it, it also often exhausted me. I set the bar quite high; for example, I always wanted to have a healthy and good meal ready for my boys; my house had to be “spick and span”. I also wanted to be fit and healthy, so I exercised -almost- daily—and besides that, I also wanted to do everything for God. Doing for Him, I was great at that, more often than doing With Him, a real “modern-day Martha.”
After my divorce with the father of my children almost ten years ago, I found myself on my own. Although I quickly picked up my life, it was often quite busy, and besides all the daily responsibilities, there should not be many other tasks because that resulted in the fact that it was no longer “manageable” and I could no longer keep “all the balls” in the air. It often felt like I was juggling all my responsibilities.
I had become a master of ad-hoc action, LOL.
Until God intervened………….
Step in faith
In 2024, God brought me and my now husband together, and within twenty-four weeks we were married. Life with Jesus is truly an adventure, LOL.
We had both been alone for a while, and both came from a previous situation where we were both used to having to do things on our own. We had become used to running, running and flying, doing everything on our own and bearing responsibilities on our own. Neither of us had a relationship where you took care of each other.
We got together at a time when I also had my job in a large medical hospital, and, as I was used to, I also did the housework in addition to my work. My husband is so sweet and caring that he is happy to help and does so regularly, but for me, it was so ingrained to do things myself, that before he could even think, “Let me put the washing machine on,” I had already washed, ironed and put the laundry in the closet, so to speak, LOL.
I was completely running myself ragged until one day God said, “Quit your job!”
I was so happy with this thought—not having to run and run anymore, but only having to focus on taking care of our family, our home, my Bible school and this blog page. I let it sink in for a while before I presented it to my husband. Finally, I told him what God had told me to do, and he jumped up from the couch for joy!
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” - 1 Timothy 5:8
We decided to pray and fast for a while longer, but it became increasingly clear to us: God wanted me to stop. Although I still enjoyed my job immensely, the job paid well, and I “sh*t seven colors of shit” at the thought of having one income less, we decided to take a step of faith and trust God, knowing that God provides and takes care of us. As in 1 Timothy 5:8, God also lives by this verse.
More Mary, less Martha
After taking the step of faith, God showed us more and more often why He had asked this of us; we were allowed to come into more rest, each focused on one task. We were no longer alone; we were together, and therefore no longer had to take everything upon ourselves. We were allowed to come more into the role division of man/woman, which brought about an enormous feeling of rest, peace and joy in both of us.
Yes, we are together! I no longer had to do everything by myself—being a mother and a father at the same time, working and running the household. And my husband no longer had to work and run the household, be the only one responsible for the finances, and also have to do the shopping after work. No, he could focus on being the priest of our family, focus on his work, and after a long day of work just come home to a nice, clean house. And I was allowed to take care of more things again: taking care of my husband, our children and our animals, making sure there is food in the house and a nice meal on the table.
Finally, we both got to learn to be more like Mary, and less like Martha.
There was peace in the house; we could get up together in peace and spend time with God together, after which my husband could leave for work in peace, and I could also take on the tasks for our house and our family from the peace.
God spoke so clearly when He said, “You don’t have to do it alone anymore; you don’t have to keep all the balls in the air anymore; your husband needs someone to take care of him, and you get to take care of him.” I found that I was immensely blessed by taking care of my husband and our family.
I also noticed that my relationship with God got a huge boost because I was more at peace. No longer in a hurry, no longer flying from pillar to post, no longer with my thoughts everywhere and nowhere, but in peace. The same applied to my husband; his relationship with God also grew; he too could focus on his work in peace and could let go of all other tasks in and around the house.
We regained balance in our daily responsibilities and our time with God, which also impacted our relationship with each other. We grew even more together. From that place of being at the feet of Jesus like Mary did, God could continue to work in us. We grew tremendously in our relationship and walk with God.
It is hard not to get carried away by the hustle and bustle and responsibilities of everyday life. However, I encourage you to be inspired by Mary and how she enjoyed herself at the feet of Jesus, and He showed her that this was by far the best decision.
How do you think you can apply this to your life? In what way can you learn to become a little more Mary and a little less Martha?
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:38-42
